THe Harting Family

THe Harting Family

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Trying to Get Back to Me

Well my blog seems to have turned into a great big pity party for myself. That was never my intention when I started my blog. I started it to connect with people who may or may not be going through the things I am but to also find support. I must say I do get a lot of great support in my comments and I am so grateful. It is nice to know how others are feeling about something I am going through and just to hear from anyone who cares to comment. So here I find myself in the infant stages of emptynest, day one, hour 15...I know I will get through it and I know we will all be fine, what I don't want to do is wallow in misery and pity. So the question is how do I get back to me? Don't get me wrong, I have my own identity, and I know I am strong and can stand on my own. I have a wonderful husband who I love and who I also happen to like and I feel so fortunate to have him in my life. Not to mention he is dealing with his own emptynest, and in a different way. When he deploys it gives him great comfort that our son was home with me, being the man of the house, taking care of his mom. Now when he deploys next year not only will he go missing us, he will go with the worry of me being alone. Today he had to go to the field, I seen he was apprehensive about going, and I told him to go, I will be fine. That wasn't a lie, I am and of course I miss him but missing him and missing my son are on separate plains if you know what I mean.
OK I am rambling, back to the question at hand, do I go from being a hands on mom for the last 18 years, to a hands off mom of a college freshman? Obviously I need to get back to me, get back to things that I can dedicate time to that I couldn't because I was being taxi mom, JROTC mom, all around there for you any time of the day mom. I worked my sons whole life. I was laid off the end of his Jr year and it was a blessing since my hubs was getting ready to deploy and I took it as an opportunity to spend some time with my son before he left home for college. I admit, I let myself go a bit. I haven't worked out as hard as I used to, I gained weight, I just plain made it all about him. I need to get back to me, I need to shift all those energy's. That's how I am going to get through this. I wouldn't change one thing about the last 2 years, well one thing maybe but that's a whole different blog post but the last 2 years giving my son my complete attention was wonderful. I am not going through this alone, it's the three of us and like always we will see each other through it. I decided I am not going to blog about this subject for awhile, not because I don't want to share but because I need to find things to blog about that aren't a "poor me" feel sorry for me subject matter. My son is doing what he should be, we are proud of him and he is going to have the time of my life and that is something to celebrate, not wallow in. I am turning this page, and even though I can not promise I won't shed a tear every now and then I am going to turn this ship around and sail it towards a more positive attitude.
Thank you to everyone who has been with me through this, and will continue to support me. Life is good, and I am a lucky woman.


Paula said...

I've been thinking about you. I know this is hard and no matter what you do, you'll miss him. I'm so glad you had the last two years too. what a blessing!
I look forward to following you through your next chapter. I know it will be amazing.

USMCWIFE said...

Thank you as always for a very nice comment, you are one of the most supportive bloggers out there. I know you are going through your own seperation as well and I haven't forgotten that. I know you know how I feel. I hope you are getting settled in and doing ok.